Hard to make decisions…

Hard to make decisions…
I’m impatient when making decision. Somebody could keep comparing the price, quality, color…etc. I couldn’t. But when I look back my life for the past 9 years, I need to say, God is awesome and I need to let my “ideal timing” go.
I was called to be a missionary on 1995 summer. On late 1995 I was lead to Hui people, the Muslims on mainland China. On 1998 Feb. I reconfirmed my calling for the M people. Then I keep thinking of the location, the timing, the need… I have lots of “it should be”. In fact, that’s not easy to walk in “it should be”. I wish to stay in HK, my father got sick. I wish to stay in Sydney, bad timing. I wish to stay in Solo Indonesia, the door didn’t open. And after this, I wish to study abroad, God still says “wait”.

Understand my calling…
1992-96 I worked in a broadcasting company focus on preaching gospel to China.
1995 I was willing to go everywhere God wants me to go.
1996-97 I had a boyfriend who was a Hui converted to Christ. Through him I heard of “back to Jerusalem” movement.
1998 I was confirmed that I’m called to be a missionary focus on the M people.
Though that’s reasonable to link my four-years broadcasting experience with the M people calling, that means, my target audience should be the M people in China, God didn’t open the gate for me to go. After graduated from seminary, I ever thought of West Africa, Sydney immigrants, Indonesian, or France. (That’s really everywhere!)
At the same time, God let me know that my heart is for youth people.
I began to go to church at my 15 years old.
I was a volunteer in “Youth for Christ” for 1-2 years.
I tried to know youth people through working in McDonald’s.
My broadcasting program is focus on young students.
I studied “youth crimes and the resolution” course and got lots of inspiration. Then I became a volunteer letter writer to youth in jail.
I felt happy and easy when I was in Solo and worked with young staff.
Through regional youth conference I know lots of young people from different churches and I like to be with them.
I think God wants young people gather together for worship and praise, split on the street and campus for prayer and share the gospel. All these are beyond local church boundaries. And I commit myself now to make these things happened.
So, youth + M people + Chinese, I think that’s my calling.
That’s why when I heard of the vision for young generation missionaries by Jeason Ma I feel awe. After over ten years I finally understand my calling. Not begin until I am in China, with the M people; but already began from Taipei long time ago!

Give me Neihu and Lanzhou
I work in Neihu, one of twelve restricts in Taipei. I can see whole Neihu from a temple in the mountain. When I think of praying for Neihu, I’ll go there and ask God to give me what I’ve seen, the commercial buildings, the schools, the people. When I realized what my calling is, it reminds me I ever see another city from a mountain. I guess God wants me to get the people there also. That city is Lanzhou, my ex-boyfriend’s hometown.
On 1997, my boyfriend gave up to study abroad due to a GRE failure. He asked me to marry him and stay with him in Lanzhou. That time China didn’t wide open like today, especially in minority people area. I don’t think I could do any preaching or church planting there as a Taiwanese. That’s me, always think about ministry! That made me a cool person and I didn’t hesitate to reject him. Indeed, over one year we separated from China and Hong Kong, our relationship is loose. I didn’t like his attitude when facing a failure. I guess maybe I’ll say yes if he asks me now. Anyway, he is a father now, outside China.
It’s hard to make decistions…